~*R@in's BlOggiE*~

hm. im bac. afta a 3 dayz 2 nitez stay in msia. wit my mum n 2 elder broz. ate alot there. die le la. gain weight again. gotta lose 'em off le. hm. bot shirtz for myself. presentz for my frenz bday (comin soon). bot some gumz too. todae reached home abt 6.15pm. me bathe le left hse. went to meet maO 'xiao di' n da guyz, ys n 'solo'. were at chong pang area. sit down chat. weijie came later. den 'solo' balik. we go mao'z hse awhile. den we jln ard. sit. tok a lil'. den they came up my hse. funni lo. were like so pai seh sia. hm. me served 'em drinkz. my mum dad chat wit them. while me havin my dinner (were so hungry). wanted to ask mao to help me check my maple thingy but he dun wan. saddy. nobody helpz de. den they left at abt 10.30+pm. so i seek alvin'z help. ahakz. tomoro hez comin ba. hope he can 'cure' my maple thingy. toopid server fault. duhz. okie. gtg. tata.

woke up 7am. left home 8+am wit my parents. went to MOM there. den to my dadz office. used da comp there. went online. met weijie in msn. asked me to meet him. he den called ys. later ys called me. he juz woke up tho. we chat on da phone. den he say he haben eat. so me meet weijie at semb mrt. den tk bus 980 go yishun blk 110 meet ys n 'solo' go eat. tt was at abt 3+pm. den go 111 play bball. later mao join us at 5+pm. den play til abt 7pm. 'solo' went hm. we go void deck sit n chat. c mao play maple story usin his laptop. alvin dropped by by abt 8+pm. den left. at abt 9pm, weijie went hm. me n ys went to mao's hse. wait for him to hav his shower. den we go 110 eat dinner. chix chopz. so fuullll.... den we went opp blk sit n chat a lil'. my 2nd bro came to fetch me at 11+pm. go thm at 11.20pm. had my shower. now im here. tomoro goin msia w/ my mum n 2 elder broz. dunno when comin bac. maybe sun. or mon ba...

woke up 11am. left home 1+pm. meetin raidah at somerset. walked down to sha villa to look for nurul. shez workin til 3pm. saw mr ithin. we had a lil' chat. ate nasi lemak at killiney rd, abt 2.45pm. bot 2 packz of kaya. nurul finished work le we 3 went to cineleisure. walked. she ate kfc. while we acc her. den we go watched movie "black night". horror de. thot is beri scary but not really. watch til abt 5+pm. was rainin so heavily. we walked ard.. bot some tidbitz to share wit the guyz. but cant find a cheaper umbrella for myself man. me gonna meet mao n frenz at yishun. hm. so we 3 shared nurul's umbrella til the nearest 7-11 to buy an umbrella le den go tk mrt to yishun. got a headache by den. reached yishun at abt 7pm. the kaya so heavy o. asked my bro to come n tk it home for me. den we all go play bball. til abt 10pm. den eat. den go home. abt 11pm le. uh my legz r tired man. but good too. gonna exercise. lolx. hm. had fun goin out. rather den slackin at home ba....

-=herez a poem from me, dedicated to all da people who know me , specially my family , n goodie frenz who've alwayz be there for me, by my side, to support me when i lack of confidence, cheer me up when im down, share my sorrowz, n neva fail to make my day.=- [ if u miSs me afta im gone, no longer in tiz world, do come here n read tiz. & oso my other poemz posted on 27Feb'06 . all thOz r my msgez left for u, b4 i left tiz world. hope i can stay in ya heartz 4eva. coz i will do da same. all of UUU will 4eva live in my heartz..] ################################## i know tiz day would come to see everyone gather around not a single soul with a smile rather facez with tearz rollin' down sayin goodbye isn't that easy especially to da one u really care but seeing everyone on my last day makez me cry even more i alwayz wish tiz day neva come becoz' it hurtz soo much tinkin about it everyday of my life wonderin what will eva happen i wish im neva gone so we could stay...

=============================================== = :*"*-m3. in da daRkneSs. dEep thOtz.-*"*: = : drOwninG my fEarz. waShin awaY my tEarz. : =============================================== [=My lif3. Da wOrLd Of bLaCk & wHitE.=] .-*"*-.mY wOrld waS EmPty.-*"*-. iTz nOw bLack & whitE wit mY fAmiLy & gOddiE fRenz by mY siDe whO'll aLwayz maKe my dAy. Oni iF i finD sOmeon3 whO Can fiLL it wiT cOloRz. dEn i'vE fOund my trUe haPpinEsS. my cOmpLeted wOrLd.. ===============================================

-- 20 aPriL 2006, thUrs -- slept at 3+am last nite. tiz mornin woke up at 7am. left home 8+am wit my parentz. went to my mum's fren's hse. chat a while. den 10am went to my dadz office. me brot my picz there to scan 'em. while my parentz do their thingyz wit the accountant n a insurance lady. they left at abt 12nn. my 2nd bro bot food for us. we ate there. we left at 2.45pm. my parentz n i went to fu lu shou complex. my mum went for foot massage. my dad n i went down to eat ice cream. lolx. later at abt 3.30pm i left them. me meetin weijie n alvin at sim lim square. thot wil be goin walk walk or wat. i c weijie came wit his comp's cd-drive thingy i was like... O_o". lolx. wit tt big n heavy thing he carriez sure cant go shop shop de lo. nvm. acc him go repair his thingy. til 4+pm. we took bus 980 go semb. foll weijie go home put da comp thingy. den me n alvin wait for him to finish eatin. he majiam king. eat liao still can sit down relac smoke smoke sia. we sat on ...

hm. last nite slpt at 4am. woke up 11+am tiz mornin. went to blk 400+ nearby shopz at abt 2+pm wit my mum. went to my mum's fren's salon. did our hair. colored my hair deep blue. a lil' here n there. now not tt obvious. probably dayz later when it startz to fade ba. finshed off oni at abt 8pm. my 2nd bro bot dinner le fetch us home. had our dinner. bathed. now im here. hm. im still da same sad me. haix. find tt hee doesnt seemz to be how hee was like b4. now i seldom hear from him tt much le. da way hee say thingz isnt da same le. how i wish tt everythin was liked b4. unchanged. da same... -_-.. i woke up in da mornin, switched on my hp, to recieve his mornin sms. tt juz made me smile. n hee wld end da nite wit a good nite sms. missed. loved. (ttz how hee alwayz used to say). n when itz rainin heavily, hee wld sms me askin me to be careful. so & so.. i tot hee was realli nice.. but now. almost everythin changed. as if it juz turned over. ttz it. itz all silence. ttz juz...

afta my previous blog was posted. mao 'xiao di' called. askin me to join him for dinner. okie lo. i went. since long time no c le. had my shower. left home at abt 6.35pm. met him at NP. had our dinner at food court. he go poly 'sot' liao. golden hair. blue eyez. n beri 'metal teeth'. alwayz 'suan' n ans or shoot me bac de. cant stand him todae. nvm lo. he win. lolx. afta eatin we go NP walk walk a lil' den meet up wei jie, alvin, yong sheng. they playin games at time zone. at abt 8+pm we left NP. walked down to chong pang blk 139. play bball. but me din join. coz wearin skirt. lol. hm. play til rainin.. at abt 9+pm. went under da blk 139. sit there chit chat laugh laugh lo. til abt 11+pm. we left da place. they acc me walk bac yishun to da bus stop n wait for bus. me reached home ard 11.40pm ba. hm. tomoro (19 apr) is his bday. but cant celebrate wit him. sadness. nvm. we'll make up for it other day. erm. hope thingz wun turn out bad.

sian. real sian. last nite slpt at 2+am. woke up 8+am tiz mornin. wana slp but cant. so got up lo. was sad last nite. me n him was smsin. last nite. but suddenly no reply. made my mind spinz. did i said da wrong thing? tt hurt him again? im soo not sure. coz it juz went silent. hee din speak up. which mkz me worry more. haiz. y thinz turned out like tt when itz juz da start. but i realli dun understand guyz lo. is 'sex thingy stuffz' so important in a relationship? but not for me. i mayb diff frm da many other galz tt guyz cld find outside. i tink hee shld either accept me da way i am n respect me tOo. or cld juz dun give me any hope. plz dun give me so much hope n den tk it away. i've hardly trust n believe in guyz. bcoz of wat they dO n tink. yea i agree wat faith said.. "when galz flirt, guyz tink they're slut n b*tchez. but when guyz flirt ard, they'll say 'c'mon, itz normal for guyz to flirt!'" duhz sux big time. real bullsh*T! i hate hate...

-- 17 Aug 06, mOn -- tiz mornin woke up at 10am. left home at abt 2pm wit my mum n 2nd bro. went to northpoint. ate at food court. den go walk walk. 2nd bro bot presentz for youjin & maychin's bday comin soon. we left NP at abt 3.30pm. mum n bro go other place. me go my own way. went to city hall. bot some stuffz. met up syikin durin her lunchbreak. for awhile oni. but did had a good laugh tog. me left city hall at abt 5+pm. reached hougang at 5.35pm. waited for him at da bus int'chg. he came at 6.23pm wit his frenz. den wandered ard hougang area. was my 1st time there. he n his frenz r funni. me left da area at abt 8.40pm. reached yishun at abt 10pm. on da bus goin bac home, met minghui & martin boey. asked me if i wanna join 'em for supper at 400+ kopitiam. okie lo. since long time no c le. hm. we chat. laughed a lil'. left for home at abt 11+pm. had my shower. now here bloggin. hm. was nice meetin him up. but. somethin happen. which makez my mind spinz. haiz....

.: ConfUsiOn :. i dunno what to do i want u but i dun want u what da heck are u putting me thru my dear God im so confused juz let me go now so i can see that thatz da way itz goin to be so juz tell me if u dun want me trust me. i'll understand. i'll leave but if u want me plz let me know becoz as of now im letting go i guess itz becoz u failed to hold da trust u promised u would show. .: MiStaKen :. i thot our love would be forever u and me alwayz together but den u left me tearz in my eyes my mind full of all your liez why was i too blind to see that you neva really loved me everythin u said was fake lovin u was my biggest mistake now i sit here not knowin what to do is it love or hate i feel for you onli time will answer this question until den ya name i'll neva mention. .: SoMeDaY :. with every step tt i muz take and every smile tt i muz fake to hide da tearz tt i will make da pain inside i cannot shake and every breath tt i will take deep inside therez no mistake hopin...

where hav my feelingz brot me to. for yearz i kept my heart closed. sicked n tired of da love. not wantin to get hurt. i kept my heart closed. at timez i've tried to open up my heart. but cldnt dare to love tt much. afraid of gettin hurt. again n again. mayb i've yet to meet da rite guy for me. but how i wish he cld juz wake me up. when da war is finally over. how i wish i cld meet him straight. w/o goin thru so much upz n downz. but juz cant. i hav to learn thru all thoz r/s. which makez me tink beta. choose beta. leadin me to da rite path. but recently there r crackz on my path. confusin me. whether to step over or not. i stepped over. but i tripped over. injured my leg. so i stepped bac. wantin to head bac. but someone at the end was givin me confidence. courage. to cross over n continue my path. im in dilemma. should i? or should i not? haix. i realli dunno wat to do. i need a bf who will neva hurt me. will neva make me wait. alwayz being there for me. n is very into me. ti...

Da guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Da guy, who kisses your forehead. who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. who holds your hand in front of his friends. Da one, who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. & da one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

juz got home from msia not long ago. me n my mum went in yest. uncle ooi fetched us there de. den he left. me n my mum stayed da nite there. she bot lotza things o.. but not much for myself. din c anithin i realli like. yest nite we watched hk drama 'the pillow mystery' vcd. veri nice. touchin sad n funni. watched 4 episodez til 11+pm. den turned in le. tiz mornin woke up 10+am. recieved a new msg sent by him last nite. realli glad hee smsed me. finally. i cld clarify the misunderstandinz. da 'weight' in my heart is gone. hm. ard 6pm uncle jimmy n his frenz came to msia too. he asked us to join 'em for dinner. we ate n chat til ard 7+pm. den me n mum head bac home. we packed our stuffz. den watched the hk drama while waitin for uncle ooi to come n fetch us bac home. he came at ard 9.30pm. now me wanna go bathe le. tata~

duhx...... slept at 2+am. woke up 9.30am. feelin so down. sadness. is there. wanted to slp thru. but cant. my mind spinned. wondering. hee changed. juz btwn days. in da begining. he was diff. but now.. itz like heez changin. hee sounded so diff. therez coldness in there. but tt was too fast it changed. was it somethin i do? or was is somethin i say? tot our tales has juz begin. but now i cldnt understand. a true love tale? fun n fiction? or juz a comedy series? plz dun leave me hangin. if theres somethin.. plz tok it out wit me. im realli feelin down. i juz dun understand. wat guyz tink. i got so fed up when i read a mag yest. the column "guyz talk"-'why boyfrenz cheat' . one of da stoopidezt guy said.. ---"if my gal cheated on me, i'd be mad. but if i cheat on her, itz not tt big of a deal to me. guyz oni tk their own feelinz into consideration. i'll cheat juz to get some play. n kissing is not cheatin-i kiss every other gals."--- i was like.. wtf!!...

hm. yest was at orchard mrt. when a lady stopped me n asked for my age. den she explained sooo fast tt i oni heard 'modelling'.. 'u got a sweet face'.. 'company sponsor'.. 'can i juz hav ya contact no.'.. etc. so i juz leave her my name n hp no lo.. few hrs later a lady from tt co. called askin me to go for their interview da next day (todae) at 2pm, taka, lvl 13. hm. me tink tink le.. den ok lo juz go c c.. no contract nvm. lolx. todae my dad fetch me there. as he is worried (as alwayz) tt ppl will 'bluff' me n i'll go missin n so. keke. hm. got other ppl go there for interview oso.. so me no need worrie le.. when itz my turn.. me juz went in there.. sat down w/ a lady 1-to-1.. listen to her explained their modellin stuffz n showed me da picz n salary etc.. not realli like interview wor. lolx. they do hav hairdo modellin.. newpaperz advt.. commercial advt.. cars modellin.. so n so. den explain finish le ask me to call them tmr to confirm if ...

woke up ard 10am. left home 12.30pm. meetin kin for lunch at north point. went to 'sakura' thai chinese cuisine. her treat. den me help her do the present thingy for her fren. we took mrt tog. shez goin to work. me alite 1st at orchard. go shoppin for shoez. bot one at far east plaza. finally. lolx. den go hmv walk walk til 4pm. went to bugis. plaza hotel. meet ah fang n shidah. saw thoz same old frenz there. later me, fang n shida went to bugis junction walk walk.. eat mos burger.. left bugis for home at ard 7.30pm. me reached home at abt 8.50pm ba. now wanna help kin do her thing le. hm. tomoro will be goin town again. wit whom. dunno yet. lolx. k t@ta!!